Queer Yamis and Hikaris for the Straight Guy
by ByeByeBye
Summary: Six gay men, out to make over the world - one straight guy at a time. The Yamis and Hikaris have their own tv show and they're ready to give their friends make overs. ABANDONED
1. The Start of Something Special

It was a quiet afternoon at the Moto residence. Yugi and his yami, Yami, were in the living room with their fellow hikaris and yamis watching TV. Well at least Yami, Bakura and Marik were watching TV, Yugi, Ryou and Malik were busy doing homework and were grumbling the entire time over them having to do work and their yamis didn't.  
  
"They could at least get a job," Malik muttered to Yugi and Ryou. The three of them were sitting crossed legged on the floor using the coffee table to do their work on while their yamis were lounging on the couch and chair.  
  
"We could do a better job them those guys," scoffed Bakura to his fellow yamis as they watched the Fab Five makeover yet another straight slob. The comment however created light bulbs over the heads of the yamis.  
  
"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Yami asked his two 'friends'.  
  
"You better not be thinking about Malik in that way!" Marik yelled back at him causing Malik to slam his head against the coffee table and for Bakura to smack Marik on the back of his head.  
  
"We'll fill you in later you baka," Bakura told him. "Just grab your hikari and lets get out of here."  
  
"Okay," Marik agreed with a shrug as he slowly caught on to what was running through Yami and Bakura's mind.  
  
They each grabbed their unsuspecting yami away from their homework, dragged them down to the street and tossed them into Yugi's grandfather's car before any of them could protest. A few minutes later they were pulling to a stop in front of KCTV, the major local TV station in Domino City. By that time however the hikaris remembered to protest the sudden kidnapping and that's what they did as their yamis dragged them into the building.  
  
"We want to talk to the person in charge," Marik demanded to the first person they saw, which happened to be a poor intern.  
  
"Umm . . ."stuttered the poor frighten girl. Never in her life did she suspect that on her first day of work that three lunatics would charge into her workspace dragging look-a-likes behind them.  
  
"Do it!" Bakura growled and the girl frantically called up to her boss.  
  
After speaking on the phone for a few minutes, the girl hung up and turned back to the group of kidnapping psychopaths. "Mr. Kaiba says to go on up. Take the first elevator and go to the top floor, you can't miss Mr. Kaiba's office from there."  
  
"Kaiba!" Yami cried and he gave a small growl. "I knew I should have brought my deck!"  
  
"Get over it will you?" Yugi asked him as Yami dragged him towards the elevator in question. "He's not that bad."  
  
"Yes but as the King of Games I should always be ready to duel anyone especially Kaiba."  
  
Yugi rolled his eyes at the comment as they entered the elevator that would take them up to the top floor of the building. Yugi along with Ryou and Malik still had no clue what they were doing there but they knew better then to argue with their yamis.  
  
Fortunately for the hikaris all was quiet during the elevator ride since their yamis could only go for so long without fighting. As it was Marik and Bakura were trying to think of ways to send the horrid elevator music to the Shadow Realm and Yami was pouting over the fact that he didn't think of bringing his dueling deck with him.  
  
Finally they reached the top, exited the elevator and found the enormous wooden doors with the word Kaiba in gold letters on the front of it. Not bothering to knock, Bakura and Marik shoved the door opened and walked inside while still dragging their hikaris behind them. They were followed closely by Yami dragging Yugi.  
  
Sitting behind the large desk they expected to find the tall, brunette, trench coat that defies the laws of gravity wearing CEO of Kaiba Corporation. Instead they found a short person with massive amount of black hair. In fact it appeared that there was more hair then person.  
  
"Hi guys!" cried the ball of hair as he stood from his chair and rushed over to greet them.  
  
"Mokuba!" cried everyone save for Marik, Malik and Bakura who really didn't care if it was Mokuba instead of Seto.  
  
"Yeah," Mokuba replied with a laugh. "Seto thought I had too much time of my hands so he bought me this TV station for my birthday. So what can I do for you guys?"  
  
"Oh we have a great idea for a TV show," Bakura told him taking charge. He tried giving Mokuba a warm grin but instead it only make those nearby to know that the former King of Thieves shouldn't be trusted.  
  
"Umm . . .okay," replied Mokuba trying not to sound too alarmed.  
  
At the same time halfway across the city, Seto Kaiba was busy at work typing on his laptop when he got the strangest feeling that Mokuba was in trouble. Grabbing his dueling disk, Seto made a mad dash to his helicopter that he always kept nearby to head off and save his little brother.  
  
"It really is a good idea," Yami agreed. "You know that show, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy?"  
  
"Duh it's Seto's favorite show, he never misses it," Mokuba replied.  
  
"Well we want to do our own version of the show that takes place here in Domino City where we make over our friends," Yami continued as his fellow yamis eagerly nodded their heads. Yugi, Ryou and Malik were finally beginning to able to piece together what their yamis had been thinking the entire time. "Malik would be a perfect Fashion Savant and no one could beat Marik as a Grooming Guru, I mean look at his hair! Yugi and I would naturally be the Culture Vultures and from my understanding Bakura would make a great Food and Wine Connoisseur. That leaves Ryou for being the Design Doctor."  
  
"Hey why do I get the crappy job?!" Ryou protested. "And do you even know the things that Bakura eats?!"  
  
Before a fight could break out, since Bakura was pissed at both Yami and Ryou; Yami for sticking Ryou with the designing job since he knew Ryou had no taste in design and he was pissed at Ryou for insulting his cooking skills, Mokuba interrupted the bickering that was going on.  
  
"That's a great idea!" he cried. "You guys can work out the details later on who does what but I want you guys to start filming right away."  
  
"Yes!" cheered Bakura, Marik and Yami as they high-fived each other, celebrating their success. Malik was also grinning, knowing he was going to have some fun while Yugi and Ryou looked horrid at what they had somehow gotten into.  
  
"How long do you think it'll be before one of them tries to take over the show for themselves?" Yugi asked Ryou, his voice a whisper while eyeing the yamis.  
  
"Not long," Ryou replied, his voice also a whisper.  
  
"Great," Mokuba said with a smile. "Now get out of here so I can get back to work."  
  
Yami, Yugi, Ryou and Malik all said goodbye while the other two yamis being their anti-social self walked away without another word, the door closing behind them. With his office empty again, Mokuba went back to his desk to get some work done when suddenly his quietness was halted by the scattering of glass. Spinning around Mokuba found his brother who had swung down from his helicopter on a rope, through the glass window to save Mokuba from whatever had been threatening him.  
  
"Big Brother!"  
  
"Are you okay Mokuba?" Seto panted not realizing that he was now covered in small pieces of glass all that were cutting into his body or the fact he was bleeding all over the place. "I got a feeling that you were in trouble."  
  
"I'm fine," Mokuba replied still in shock from what had just happened. "Just a normal day at the office. I had a visit from Yugi, Ryou, Malik and their yamis that's all."  
  
"That's all?!" Seto cried. "You could have been killed! You could have had your soul stolen again! What have I told you about socializing with those people!"  
  
"You know they have saved our lives more times then we can count. I'm sure I'm safe around them."  
  
Before Seto could reply, the door to Mokuba's office opened once again and Yami stuck his head back in. "We'll be back Monday to work out our contracts-" he started to say when he saw that Mokuba was no longer alone. He pushed the door all the way open accidentally knocking the door of its hinges in the process, growled at Seto and pointed to the dueling disk on the billionaire's forearm. "Kaiba! I knew you couldn't go a day without trying to duel me!"  
  
"What are you talking about you crazy pharaoh?"  
  
"Yami come back here!" Yugi's voice ran out before he appeared in the door way trying to drag the former pharaoh away.  
  
"I can not back down from a challenge Yugi!"  
  
"Please!" Yugi begged looking up with Yami with his puppy eyes. "You already said you didn't even have your deck with you."  
  
"Fine," Yami grumbled with a sigh. Unfortunately for him no yami was able to resist the Hikari Puppy Eyes of Death Doom and Destruction. That didn't stop him from glaring at Seto one last time before being dragged away by Yugi. "I'll get you next time Kaiba!"  
  
With Yami gone Seto was finally able to look around the office and saw the broken door, smashed window and noticed that he was covered in blood and little pieces of glass. "Just a normal day at the office huh?" he asked turning to his little brother, who merely shrugged. 


	2. Victim 1: Honda

The next week . . .  
  
"Okay guys here's the keys to the van and here's the file folder on your first victim," Mokuba told them as he handed Yugi the items in question since he knew that Yugi would look after them. Once again they were gathered in Mokuba's office at KCTV. Unfortunately for Mokuba it would be another week before the window or door could be repaired.  
  
"Van?" Bakura asked with a small whine. "Why don't we get a cool SUV?"  
  
"Lawyers," Mokuba replied with a shrug. "You get a van. Now get out of here and make me some more money!"  
  
"That kid hangs around Kaiba too much," Marik muttered to Bakura as they left the office and made their way to the elevator. A few minutes later they arrived at the parking garage for the building.  
  
"I'm driving!" Marik yelled as he grabbed the keys from Yugi and dashed towards the black van, which had already been installed with video cameras and a license place that read 'Fab Six'. Apparently Mokuba had better lawyers than Queer Eye if they could get away with that.  
  
"Shot gun!" Bakura cried as he followed Marik and jumped in the front as soon as Marik unlocked the van. Knowing enough not to start any fights the other four piled into the back with Malik and Ryou sitting in the middle and Yami and Yugi in the far back.  
  
Marik started the van and headed out to the street, while he was doing that Yugi opened the folder to see who the first person they were helping would be.  
  
"And the first lucky person is . . . .Honda!"  
  
"Who?" Malik asked with a confused expression on his face. In the front, Marik and Bakura were equally confused.  
  
"You know . . . bad hair, one of my loyal cheerleaders, etc," Yami told with a wave of his hand.  
  
"One of my best friends," Yugi added slightly annoyed at his yami.  
  
"That too," Yami agreed with a nod.  
  
"Let me see the picture!" Malik demanded and Yugi handed it too him. "Whoa! He really needs our help!" He then showed the picture to a quiet Ryou, because he was still too busy pouting over being stuck with the redecorating job, who nodded his head in agreement.  
  
"Lets see!" Bakura demanded as he turned around in his seat.  
  
"Yeah!" Marik agreed copying Bakura's movement. Unfortunately for any pedestrians on the street that now met that no one was driving the van. Fortunately for Marik though only one person was attempting to cross the street at that exact moment, a little old lady with a walker and wearing an army helmet (1). Unfortunately for Granny however, the van hit her straight on and she went flying into the air over the top of the van. Luckily getting run over by a yami was normal for the old lady and she was able to make a landing that could rival the top gymnast in the world before continuing on her way all while muttering "kids these days."  
  
"What was that?" Ryou asked upon hearing the sound of the van hitting Granny and then of her trip over the top of the van.  
  
"Beats me," Marik shrugged as he turned his attention back to the road. With relief he saw that everything was still okay. That noise must have been coming from another car and not the van which Seto would no doubt charge them for if they managed to damage it.  
  
Fortunately for the citizens of Domino there were no other mishaps on their way to Honda's house.  
  
"Okay guys, lets go!" Malik cried who had bounded out of the van as soon as it stopped in front of Honda's house. He raced to the door and gleefully pressed the doorbell while the others very slowly followed him. Running was just something that Yami, Marik and Bakura did not do unless they had too, where Yugi and Ryou weren't exactly looking forward to the entire experience. The others hadn't even made it to the door when Honda answered it.  
  
"Uhh . . . Malik?" Honda asked unsure why the crazy, blonde Egyptian was at his door. It was then he noticed the others behind Malik. "Hey Yugi, Yami. What are you doing here?" He didn't bother saying hello to the two psychotic yamis and he was so use to ignoring Ryou that he didn't even notice that the white-haired hikari was there.  
  
"You're the lucky person to be selected to be the first person on Queer Yami and Hikari for the Straight Guy!" Malik cried happily and the cameraman who had followed them in a taxi (lucky guy) gave a friendly wave. Turns out Malik loved the idea of the show once he discovered he would spend all his time buying clothes for people. For the past week he had been buying ever fashion magazine that he could find that he didn't already own.  
  
Honda paled as he looked into the gleeful face of Malik, the smirking faces of Bakura and Marik, the bored face of Yami, the apologetic face of Yugi and since Honda finally noticed him, the pouting face of Ryou. This definitely did not sound good to him.  
  
Honda tried protesting as Bakura and Marik shoved their way pass him with the others following. Each of them made mental notes as Yugi took the lead and led them to Honda's bedroom. Not surprising, the place was a mess with books and clothes all over the place. The walls were adorned with various motorcycle, sports and chicks posters.  
  
Malik was soon disappointed by the fact that Honda did not have a huge walk- in closet and that most of the stuff he did own was somewhere on the floor.  
  
"Ugh, lets just skip to the shopping stage!" the blonde Egyptian declared with disgust.  
  
"Fine with me. Anything to get this over with," Honda replied finally realizing that he was outnumbered. He suspected that if it was only Ryou and Yugi he could get out of the entire thing but he knew it would do no good trying to argue with one yami let alone three yamis and one Malik.  
  
"Good," Ryou nodded as he turned his attention to Malik and Marik. "Take him shopping and fix that thing he calls his hair while others can start helping me."  
  
"Hey aren't you suppose to come too and I get to pick out something to go in the new room?" Honda asked, protesting the fact that Ryou was going to make over his room.  
  
"Not on this show," Ryou replied. Part of the condition the others agreed upon was that Ryou had full say on how the room was going to look.  
  
"Okay!" Malik beamed with one hand he grabbed Honda's wrist and with the other Marik's. He then began dragged them out of the room, through the house and outside where the van was parked.  
  
Fifteen minutes later they all found themselves at Domino Mall. This time Malik had driven who's driving skills are only slightly better than his yami's but at least no one's granny was run over this time. Honda then had the pleasure of being dragged store to store by Malik while Marik went off to the local salon to arrange things for later.  
  
"Tip one," Malik began as he threw a couple of shirts into Honda's arms. "Show as much skin as possible that makes them want to see that rest." He indicated to his own lavender shirt he had on which was cut so that it nicely showed off his smooth stomach and muscular arms. "Tip two, you can't go wrong with leather." He then proceeded to toss some tight leather pants at Honda. "Remember the more leather the better. That's a tip that the Pharaoh will agree with so you know it's a good one."  
  
"Umm . . . got it," Honda replied while praying that their little shopping trip will be over soon.  
  
"Now onto underwear tips," Malik continued as he pranced around the store with an uncomfortable Honda following him. "Either wear tongs or nothing at all. Trust me it's a great way to turn on your significant other." Various colors of tongs were thrown at Honda as well; who was now also praying that no one he knew from school was around.  
  
"Great now pay for this and we'll meet up with Marik," Malik told Honda with a large grin as he turned around and faced Yugi's friend. Malik then turned back around and started too look for something for himself while Honda paid.  
  
"Whoa wait a minute!" Honda protested causing Malik to roll his eyes before turning back around and flashing a fake smile at Honda. "That's it? You don't want me to try the clothes on or anything?"  
  
"Nope," Malik replied as he started to turn away again to shop for himself.  
  
"How do we know that they'll fit?" inquired Honda and he was being to frustrate Malik. He really wanted to look at a shirt he saw and liked.  
  
"Trust me I'm an expert when it comes to clothes! They'll fit!"  
  
"But how am I suppose to pay for all this stuff?"  
  
"Stop the camera," Malik quickly ordered the cameraman who immediately did what he was told, causing Malik to smile somewhat. It was not even halfway through the first day and already he had the cameramen scared of him.  
  
Malik then turned his attention back to Honda. "You have your parents credit card don't you?!" he practically yelled at Honda ignoring the strange looks they were beginning to from the employees and other customers.  
  
"What?! But I thought the show was suppose to pay for everything?!"  
  
"Well I guess you didn't read the fine print when you signed up," Malik replied with a smirk.  
  
"But I didn't sign up! You guys just showed up at my house and forced me into this!"  
  
"Maybe someone signed you up for you," Malik replied with a shrug. "I honestly don't care. But now that you're on the show there's no getting out of it." He then signaled to the cameraman to begin rolling again.  
  
"Fine! But next time I suggest you go after Kaiba who can actually afford a makeover," Honda yelled back at Malik. "I'm going to be still paying all this back when I'm thirty!"  
  
"Are you sure you're going to live that long?" Malik muttered under his breath, while glaring at Honda as he stormed off to pay for the pile of clothes.  
  
Upon paying for the clothes it was time for Malik and Honda to meet up with Marik, who while the other two were shopping had been busy using his Millennium Rod on employees of a hair salon he found to let them use the place for free. While Marik dragged Honda off, who knew better than to protest, Malik returned to Honda's place to pick up the others who needed to collect supplies to complete their tasks.  
  
Unfortunately for Honda he soon found himself sitting in a chair while Marik was looking thoughtfully at his hair.  
  
"I know!" Marik suddenly cried while snapping his fingers. He raced away and returned a few seconds later with a bottle of hair tonic that he began dumping on Honda's head.  
  
"Aghhhhhh! It burns!" Honda cried in protest.  
  
"That means it's working," Marik informed him with a grin.  
  
"What is this stuff?!"  
  
"Hair tonic to make your hair grow," Marik replied as if it was a stupid question. "Your hair is too short so this is fastest way to speed up the process."  
  
"Get this stuff off my head!" Honda begged. "Please! I'll do anything!"  
  
An evil smile appeared on Marik's face as he signaled to the cameraman to stop filming. "Anything?"  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"Ten grand."  
  
"WHAT?!"  
  
"You heard me. Give me ten thousand dollars."  
  
"I don't have that kind of money!"  
  
"Too bad then," Marik replied with a shrug so the torture on Honda continued.  
  
For the next two hours Honda thought that he was going to die as the pain continued despite Marik telling him that only met the hair tonic was working. Unfortunately Marik had been wrong. Instead of making Honda's hair longer so he could style it in the same manner with his own, the hair tonic burnt Honda's hair to a small crisp.  
  
When they were picked up later by Bakura (who was driving), Yugi and Yami two of them knew better then to say anything but they were still silently laughing at the situation. Any idiot who allowed Marik anywhere near his hair deserved for that to happen. Bakura on the other hand was laughing out loud at Honda and Marik, Honda for being stupid enough to allow that to happen and Marik for being stupid enough to do it in the first place.  
  
"Now what?" Honda asked with a groan as he and Marik climbed into the van and Bakura began to drive off.  
  
"Yami and I are going to help you improve your social life," Yugi informed him as Bakura drove them to the game shop owned by Yugi's grandfather.  
  
"What are we doing here?" Honda asked as Bakura and Marik dropped them off before driving away.  
  
"Yugi already told you," Yami replied. "If Duel Monsters doesn't improve your social life nothing will and this is the best place to begin building a dueling deck and to get a dueling disk."  
  
"Plus your grandfather gets the money from everything that I buy since I know the show it too cheap to let pay for anything," Honda added dryly.  
  
"Make sure that part is cut out during editing," Yami told the cameraman who nodded his head.  
  
"Come on Honda it won't be that bad," Yugi told him looking at his friend with his big innocent eyes.  
  
"That's not going to work on me," Honda told him.  
  
"Be nice to my Aibou," Yami warned him, who gave in knowing not to mess with the former Pharaoh. Unfortunately for Honda that met spending the next hour and half listening to Yami and Yugi go on and on about Duel Monsters. Honda had tried being smart and let the two experts select a dueling deck for him but they had looked shocked when he suggested and informed him that if they created the deck then his heart wouldn't be in it. Knowing how much the heart of the cards met to Yugi and Yami, Honda decided it was best just to bear with it and get finished as fast as possible.  
  
Finally after paying for everything they were picked up by Ryou, who was grumbling that Marik and Malik had decided that their part was now over and was currently 'getting it on' in Honda's new room. Honda didn't know whether to be angry or start sobbing over that little tidbit of information.  
  
Upon arriving back at Honda's place, Bakura dragged Honda immediately into the kitchen where Bakura showed him how to prepare a meal for his friends that night, which according to Bakura was only going to be Anzu and Jou since Kaiba refused to go and refused to let Mokuba go as well, Mai was out of the country, Otagi was going out on a date with Shizuka and none of the yamis or hikaris were allowed to go (like the yamis would want to go anyway).  
  
"Umm . . . that's all?" Honda asked as he stared at what Bakura had decided on for 'dinner', which was rare steak and vodka.  
  
"What's wrong with my dinner?" Bakura growled defensively. His hand was edging unconsciously towards a knife on the counter.  
  
"Nothing, nothing!" Honda quickly replied as he held up his hands and backed slowly away. Fortunately for Honda Ryou decided to enter the kitchen at that moment and Bakura wouldn't risk doing anything in front of Ryou for fear that Ryou would band sex from him for life.  
  
"Are you guys finished here? Marik and Malik have finally left the room. We should hurry up and have you look at it before they get their second wind and decide to go back in," he told them.  
  
"Yeah, yeah," Bakura replied with a wave of his hand and Honda gladly followed Ryou out of the room.  
  
"How do you live with him cooking?" he whispered to Ryou as soon as they were far enough away from the kitchen.  
  
"Oh I do all the cooking or we order in," Ryou told him before breaking out with laugher. "Do you really think that I would be stupid enough to A) Eat anything that he cooked and B) Let him anywhere near the stove? The house would have burned down long before now!"  
  
"Then why did you let him cook for me?!"  
  
"Because he wanted to," Ryou replied with a shrug. "He always complains that I cook his meat too much so this is his chance for him to show me what he likes."  
  
"All he cooked was rare steak to eat and vodka to drink!"  
  
"Well if that's what he likes then that's what he likes," Ryou replied with another shrug. Before Honda could protest any further they had reached his room and Ryou opened the door to show him what he did.  
  
The first thing that Honda noticed was that it was clean with all his stuff put nicely away. At least that was some improvement. The walls were same color as before as well.  
  
"We didn't have time to paint after we finished cleaning," Ryou told him apologetically. Honda was grateful for that as who knew what color Ryou would pick out for him.  
  
It was then that Honda noticed something that didn't belong. It was a large cabinet full of tiny toy dolls that looked like they belonged in some sort of game. It looked kind of familiar to Honda.  
  
"What are these . . . things?" he asked Ryou.  
  
"They use to be mine," Ryou replied with a blush. "Before we moved here Bakura would steal the souls of any friends I made and seal them inside those little dolls which are used to play this game called Monster World. I didn't want them anymore and I thought they would look good in here to . . . broaden your taste from the usual . . . stuff . . . you like."  
  
"There's . . . no souls trapped in them now are there?" Honda asked staring at the little dolls.  
  
"I don't think so," Ryou replied and Honda stared at him in shock. "Well Bakura said he was going to return all the souls but you know how lazy he can be."  
  
"Ryou?!"  
  
"What is it?" Ryou asked.  
  
"There could be souls trapped in those toys and you don't care?!"  
  
"Oh that!" Ryou replied with a laugh. "I guess I've been hanging out with Bakura for too long."  
  
Just then, Bakura stuck his head in the door. "Lets go Ryou," he commanded. "Our work here is done."  
  
"Okay," Ryou nodded his head before turning back to Honda. "Well I hope you like the dolls and have fun tonight. Remember we have cameras set up all over the house so we'll be watching everything you do." With that Ryou was gone and Honda was left all alone with the creepy dolls.  
  
The ride back to the studio was safer for all parties involved since Yugi was driving. He was not driving by choice however since both Bakura and Marik had dragged their respective hikari into the back and immediately began making out. Yugi had wanted to make out with Yami as well but for some strange reason the cameraman had refused to get in the van with them and took a taxi again instead even though they let him know that the fare for the taxi was coming out of his own pocket. Finally however they made it back to the KCTV studio where Mokuba had made sure that a set had been made up for them in an apartment style where they could view what Honda was up too.  
  
As they took their seats (all the hikaris sitting in their yami's lap), Yami clicked on the large plasma TV and they all began watching Honda get ready for his 'big' night.  
  
"This is boring!" Bakura declared after two minutes and no one complained as he grabbed the remote to find something else to watch. All that was on however was a lame anime about Duel Monsters.  
  
"Who watches this stuff!" Bakura grumbled not noticing that both Yami and Yugi were highly engrossed in what was happening on screen.  
  
"Morons with no lives," Marik replied.  
  
"We're watching it right now," Malik pointed out. "That makes us morons."  
  
"Ugh, find something else on," Marik told Bakura who began flipping channels again much to the disappointment of Yami and Yugi. Arriving back at Honda, Bakura was satisfied to see that he didn't screw anything up while cooking the dinner that night. He then began flipping channels again but like before nothing was on so they ended up back on the Dueling Monster anime.  
  
"I still can't believe that people watch this show," Bakura announced to the room.  
  
"At least it's colorful," Ryou replied which resulted in a scowl from Bakura.  
  
"Color sucks."  
  
"That guy with white hair who's laughing like a maniac is kinda cute," Ryou said pointing out the guy.  
  
"The blonde's better," replied Malik. Marik nodded his head in agreement.  
  
"Ugh check out that loser good guy," Bakura told him pointing to a guy with weird hair. Both Yami and Yugi were too busy trying to pay attention to the show to know what any of them were talking about. During the commercial Bakura flipped back to Honda to discover that no one was there even though his friends should have been over by now.  
  
"What happened?" Yugi asked concerned for his friends. Just then Mokuba walked on the set and called "Cut!"  
  
"What do you want midget?" Marik growled which resulted in Malik coughing "ownerofthenetwork" to clue in his dimwitted yami.  
  
"I came to tell you guys that we had to stop filling because Honda, Jou and Anzu were all taken to the hospital," Mokuba informed him. "Early reports state that they have food and alcohol poisoning although I'm not quiet sure how that happened. Bakura what did you tell Honda to make?"  
  
"Caesar Salad with a glass of wine to go along with it," Bakura replied innocently.  
  
"Umm . . . okay," Mokuba replied not really believing him but he knew enough not to attempt to argue with the former King of Thieves . "Maybe they caught it yesterday from the cafeteria food. In any case you guys are free to go. We'll edit it somehow so it doesn't look like anything bad happened."  
  
With happy cries the yami's jump to their feet with their hikari's in their arms. Who knew having a TV show was so much work? And most of them hadn't gotten laid all day. A yami going almost a full day without sex was nearly an impossible thing to happen.  
  
They all went their separate ways knowing that tomorrow they would have to help another poor, innocent victim all in the name of TV.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
1. Those who read 'The Game of Life' should recognize her. Yep it's the same one. ^_^  
  
A/N - Eep! 9 ½ pages this sucker is! Hell half the essays I wrote/have to write this year isn't this long. For the record I do like Honda, I just think he's boring. ^_^  
  
Right now I'm trying to think of who to do next. *evil grin* 


	3. Victim 2: Anzu

"Okay, who are we doing today?" Yami asked as he drove their van around Domino. Yami was actually doing a good job driving since Yugi had threatened him with no sex for a month if he endangered their lives.  
  
"Someone who really needs our help," came the reply from Marik who was sitting in the middle with Malik on his lap as they looked over the information in the folder Mokuba had given them that morning. Ryou was currently in the back passed out and using Bakura's lap as a pillow. Apparently those two had some 'fun' last night and Bakura wore Ryou out. Fortunately for Ryou after the food and alcohol-poisoning incident at Honda's he and Bakura had been forced to switch tasks.  
  
"Some cross dresser," Malik added as he made mental notes of the short skirts 'he' was wearing in the picture that had been provided for them. A few minutes later they arrived at victim number 2's home.  
  
"Hey Aibou? Doesn't Anzu live here?" Yami asked as they exited the van after waking Ryou up.  
  
"Hey you're right! I wonder why we're here," Yugi mused. He tried making a grab for the file folder but Malik had it clutched in his hands and he was too busy bounding up to the door. Malik rapidly pressed the doorbell until Anzu answered it.  
  
"What are you guys all doing here?" she asked seeing the small group. "I know! You're here because we're friends right?! And friends stick together!"  
  
"Actually you foolish mortal we're here to give you a makeover," Bakura growled at her.  
  
"It's for our show, Queer Yamis and Hikaris for the Straight Guy," Ryou explained shooting his yami a look that told him to be good.  
  
"But I'm a girl," Anzu protested, slightly confused.  
  
"You are!" Malik exclaimed in shock as he did a double take.  
  
"You mean you didn't realize that when you took control of her body at Battle City?" Marik asked his hikari with an amused look on his face, causing Malik to scowl at him.  
  
"I kind of had more important things to worry about!" he snapped.  
  
"You know you would look sexy wearing that skirt," Marik thoughtfully mused.  
  
"Knock it off!" Yami ordered as he tossed the van keys to Malik who skillfully caught them.  
  
"Come on Anzu, we got shopping to do!" Malik cried as he grabbed Anzu and dragged her towards the van. Marik reluctantly followed them while the others began their own tasks.  
  
A few minutes later the three of them found themselves at the trusty Domino Mall. Marik tried sneaking off to make solon arrangements but Malik was having none of that informing his yami that he was needed with them to carry all their bags.  
  
Anzu soon found shopping with Malik wasn't all that bad, as the two girls spent their time giggling and gossiping over various subjects. Strangely enough he seemed to know his fashion quite well and helped Anzu pick out a number of short leather skirts and tops. Poor Marik however ended up carrying about fifty bags by the time they were finished and they had only hit half of the stores that Malik had wanted to visit.  
  
"Just one more store please!" Malik begged looking up at his yami using the ever so reliable Hikari Puppy Dog Eyes of Death Doom and Destruction. Fortunately for Marik, his eyes were covered by the piles of boxes and bags he was carrying so he could not see his hikari and be affected by the puppy eyes.  
  
"No!" Marik yelled. "Now someone help me with these fucking bags and boxes!"  
  
"Should I continue filming?" the always-present cameraman asked.  
  
"I don't think that's wise Bob," Malik replied.  
  
"My name's George."  
  
"Anything you say Bob."  
  
George, aka Bob, the cameraman rolled his eyes as he turned off the camera. Once the little red light was gone Malik turned angrily to Marik. "Are you trying to get our show cancelled!" he screamed. This resulted in Marik dropping his armful of good and glaring at his hikari.  
  
"I am not your servant!" he yelled back. "I'm suppose to be doing hair right now! Not following you around for another five hours while you shop!"  
  
"You're just jealous that I'm the star of the show!"  
  
"This show wasn't even your idea! And if you'd notice, Yamis come in the title before Hikaris!"  
  
As the pair continued to fight they were inching closer and closer to each other. Suddenly much to the amazement of Anzu, George (Bob) the cameraman and various other shoppers watching the fight Malik jumped into Marik's arms and they began kissing each other passionately.  
  
"I love you baby!" Malik groaned before shoving his tongue down Marik's throat and latching his legs around his yamis waist so he wouldn't fall. Marik meanwhile had started lowering them both to the ground.  
  
"Umm . . . guys?" Anzu meekly asked. "Aren't I suppose to be getting my hair done right now." This caused Marik to pull away from Malik for a second so he could pull a forth out of his pocket.  
  
"Take this and stick it in that," he commanded as he pointed to an electrical socket. He then turned his attention back to Malik.  
  
"Okay," Anzu replied with a shrug and the camera began filming again as Anzu walked over to the electrical socket and did as told. Sparks flew everywhere and a puff of smoke appeared around the young girl drawing the attention of everyone in the mall except for the two blondes still busy making out on the floor.  
  
As the smoke cleared, the hair of a crisp Anzu was sticking in every direction imaginable.  
  
Just at that moment Yugi and Yami walked in the mall paying no attention to the blondes since they were use to the two of them. The pair had walked to the mall wondering what was taking Malik and Marik so long. "Anzu what happened!" Yugi cried rushing over to his friend.  
  
"Electrically bad," Anzu weakly replied as she began to faint away into the arms of Yami, who instead of catching her like a gentleman would do, let her drop to the floor with a thud.  
  
"Yami!"  
  
"What?" Yami asked giving his glaring Aibou an innocent look. Sighing Yami reluctantly picked her up and carried her out of the mall with Yugi and Bob following him. When they reached the van, which Malik had parked across two handicap spaces, Yami dumped her in the back before getting in the front to drive away.  
  
"Uhh . . Yami?" Yugi asked when he noticed they were heading in the direction of Anzu's house.  
  
"What is it Aibou?"  
  
"Where are we going?"  
  
"Anzu's house," Yami replied with a shrug.  
  
"Why? Shouldn't we be now showing her the find aspects of Duel Monsters?"  
  
"When she wakes up we'll lie and said we did but she just can't remember from the electrocution and the concussion."  
  
"Oh, okay!" Yugi happily replied as he sat back and enjoyed the ride. As Yami turned the corner he reached down to turn on the radio but just as he did that everyone's favourite granny wearing an army helmet started walking across the road. Yami looked up in time to witness him running over the poor old lady's foot that made a loud crunching sound.  
  
Yami shot a quick look at Yugi who had his eyes closed and missed the entire thing and in the back Bob was busy taping an unconscious Anzu for the show he as well had missed the entire thing.  
  
Fortunately there were no other mishaps on the way to Anzu's place. And as they were pulling into the driving Anzu woke up. "My head," she groaned as Yugi helped her inside. Poor Anzu however was only inside for a matter of seconds before Ryou was dragging her in the kitchen.  
  
"So what are you going to cook?" he asked while he sat down at the kitchen table and started flipping through a magazine and filing his nails at the same time.  
  
"Uhh . . . maybe it's the concussion but aren't you suppose to cook?" she asked him. "I seem to remember when Honda was on the show we all got sick from that meal that Bakura made."  
  
"Yeah, well, you see in our home Kura and I have a rule at our place and that rule is the girliest one cooks," Ryou informed her. "And that now applies to the show. Normally I would end up cooking but since you really are a girl you get to cook."  
  
"But that's not fair!" Anzu protested. "Did you even invite my friends over for tonight or do I have to do that too?!"  
  
"Actually I did try calling a few people but mysteriously enough when they found out the party was here they were all suddenly busy."  
  
"Then if no one's coming, why am I cooking?"  
  
"Good point," Ryou agreed. "I guess that means you get to see your new room now."  
  
"Wait a sec, if you're now the cook, who redecorated my room?"  
  
"Bakura."  
  
With a scream Anzu went running towards her bedroom with Ryou, Yami and Yugi closely following her. When she reached the door she pulled it open to find Bakura inside.  
  
"My room!" she wailed as the others took a peak. The room was now entirely black with various bondage toy scattered about the room. Yugi, Yami and Ryou naturally loved the room seeing they were into that kind of stuff.  
  
While the trio congratulated Bakura on the well done with the room and Anzu continued to sob they all heard the front door open and then close. "Anzu sweetly!" a sugary voice called. "Your father and I decided to come back from our cruise early since we missed our baby girl so much!"  
  
"My parents!" Anzu cried as she fainted, once again falling towards Yami who once again refused to catch her and instead let her fall to the floor.  
  
"I wonder where she is?" the group heard her mother ask her father.  
  
"She must be asleep in her room," came the reply. "Lets go wake her up!"  
  
"I think it's time we got out of here," Ryou whispered to his friends then nodded their heads as they bolted towards the back door. As they ran outside they heard the screams coming inside from Anzu's mother.  
  
"That was close," Yugi said as they piled into the van.  
  
"I wonder if they'll like what I did to her room," Bakura mused before turning to the cameraman. "You did get a good shot of it didn't you Bob?"  
  
"The name is George and yes I did."  
  
"Good job, Bob. If you keep it up you'll get a raise," Ryou informed him causing Bakura and Yami to snort at the word 'raise'.  
  
"Hey guys?" Yugi suddenly asked. "What happened to Malik and Marik?"  
  
"I'm sure they're safe somewhere," Yami replied with a shrug.  
  
*~*~*  
  
Not far away at the Domino Police Department . . .  
  
"Man who knew there was a law against public sex," Malik complained as he paced the holding cell he and Marik had been placed in. Fortunately they were the only two individuals in the cell at that moment.  
  
"You know we never were able to finish what we started," Marik thoughtfully stated as he looked at Malik hungrily. "I wonder if this counts as a public place?"  
  
"Only one way to find out," Malik devilishly replied as he attacked Marik with kisses.  
  
*~*~*  
  
It didn't take long for Yami, Yugi, Ryou, Bakura and Bob to arrive back at the studio where they were met by Mokuba.  
  
"Sorry guys but we can't tape the rest of this week's show today," he told them as they exited the van. "I got a call from the police department that Malik and Marik were arrested for having sex at the mall this afternoon and I had to send everyone home so I can go bail them out."  
  
The thought of Malik and Marik in jail cracked Bakura up who fell to the ground laughing.  
  
"Come on you, lets go home," Ryou said as he dragged Bakura back up to his feet. Likewise Yami and Yugi headed home as well.  
  
"Bob, get that footage over to the editing room while I go bail out the psycho blondes," Mokuba ordered as a limo pulled up and stopped in front of them which Mokuba immediately got into.  
  
"But my name isn't Bob!" the poor cameraman cried as the limo drove away. 


	4. Victim 3: Seto

Mokuba sighed as he picked up the file folder that was sitting on his desk. The Yamis and the Hikaris had made a special request on whom they could make over next and Mokuba was scared to look at who they had chosen. Taking a deep breath, he looked anyways and burst out laughing when he saw who they wanted to do.  
  
"This is going to be great!" Mokuba laughed as he got his queers on the phone.  
  
*~*~*  
  
"You know I'm amazed we haven't been canceled yet."  
  
"That's because we're cheap Yugi," Ryou said as he snuggled closer to Bakura. They were all in their minivan on their way to their next victim home.  
  
"How much are we getting paid anyway?" Malik asked from where he was trying to drive and trying to fend off his over-sexed yami at the same time who was determined to give his hikari a blowjob while he was driving.  
  
"Marik behave!" Yami snapped. "Yugi doesn't need to see you and your hikari get it on in a car!"  
  
"Party pooper," Marik grumbled as he slouched down in his seat and stared out the window with a pout on his face.  
  
"Malik does bring about a good point though," Yugi said. "How much are we getting paid for this show?"  
  
"Uhh . . . nothing," Ryou replied before trying to go back to sleep but was stopped by his now yelling yami.  
  
"WHAT?!" Bakura cried. "We've been helping people for nothing?!"  
  
"Well considering we got Honda alcohol and food poisoning and Anzu grounded for the next two years I don't think we did a whole lot of helping," Ryou calmly pointed out to his lover.  
  
"But still!" Bakura continued to protest but by now the others were ignoring him. Yami didn't really care since Yugi was having fun with the show and that was the only thing that was important to him. Yugi and Ryou both didn't care about the money and were only on the show in the first place because they were forced on. As for Malik and Marik, they were a tad busy at the moment to care because Bakura's yelling had distracted everyone else in the van leaving Marik to be able to go back to his previous "activities".  
  
"Ohhh! Yes!" Malik moaned over Bakura's yelling.  
  
"Malik keep your eyes on the road!" Yugi yelled but it was too late. The van with everyone in it ended up crashing into a street pole.  
  
"Everyone okay?" Ryou asked and he received three "yes". Malik and Marik were too busy with their "previous activities" to even know they were in an accident let alone were just asked a question. With a loud "Marik!", Marik soon sat up after zipping Malik back up with a huge grin on his face.  
  
"Hey why is there a pole in front of us?" Malik asked as he opened his eyes and came back to his senses.  
  
Fortunately for the group, the pole that Malik had crashed into happened to be across the street from house—er mansion where their next victim lived.  
  
"Who are we doing again?" Yami asked with boredom, while Marik, Malik and Bakura drooled over the sport cars in the driveway.  
  
"Uhh . . . Yami don't you know who lives here?" Yugi asked him.  
  
"Should I?"  
  
"This is Seto's place. He's the person we're doing today."  
  
"Set-o?"  
  
"You know the billionaire you're always challenging to duels!" Yugi cried but he was met by the blank stare of his Yami. "Kaiba!"  
  
"KAIBA!" Yami yelled and snarled at the same time, the Eye of Horus appearing on his forehead.  
  
"Be good Yami! We're here to help!" Yugi begged using the Puppy Dog Eyes of Death Doom and Destruction on Yami, who easily gave into the unstoppable puppy eyes.  
  
"Fine," he sighed as the Eye of Horus disappeared.  
  
With the help of Bakura who easily broke the lock on the gate that kept all the common folk outside of Seto's property the six of them made their way up to the mansion and rang the bell.  
  
"Hi guys!" Mokuba cried as he opened the door.  
  
"Mokuba?! What are you doing here?" Yugi asked.  
  
"No way was I going to miss this!" Mokuba replied with a laugh, before he noticed that there was one member of their group missing. "Hey where's Bob?" *~*~*  
  
*Back at the van wreckage*  
  
"Oh God! My leg! Someone help me please! I'm trapped in here!"  
  
"Shut up you wimp! It's not like you're stuck under this thing like me!" another voice yelled that sounded strangely like an old woman.  
  
*~*~*  
  
*Kaiba's mansion*  
  
"We don't know," Malik replied with a shrug trying to remember if he had seen their camera man that day.  
  
"Great now what are we going to do?" Mokuba wondered before snapping his fingers and rushing to the hall closest where he pulled out a top of the line digital camera. "I'll be the camera man today since Bob didn't show up."  
  
None of the yamis or hikaris cared as long as they got to torment Seto a little. So soon the group was heading up to Seto's private office where he was working from home that day.  
  
"Hey Seto guess what?!" Yugi cried as he flung open the door finding Seto sitting behind his desk typing away at his computer.  
  
"Oh no," Seto groaned knowing what was going to happen. "MOKUBA!" he yelled as he glared at his little brother with the camera.  
  
"Sorry Big Brother but you were requested!"  
  
"By who!" Seto demanded and everyone pointed to Bakura and Marik who were both pointing at Yami.  
  
"We're innocent!" the two yamis cried as Seto turned his glaze to them.  
  
"Please Seto!" Mokuba begged looking at Seto with the Puppy Dog Eyes of Death Doom and Destruction.  
  
"Fine!" Seto growled as he glared at them all. "But I first want to set up some rules. One, you will not touch my hair, two you will not 'redecorate' any of my rooms since I paid a lot for profession designers-"  
  
"Feh, we saw that episode of you on Trading Spaces," Bakura interrupted causing Seto to glare extra hard at him.  
  
"Three, I have profession cooks so I will not eat anything that any one of you cooks-"  
  
"Yeah! No work for me!" Ryou happily cried.  
  
"Hey me either!" Bakura added as it suddenly dawned on him. One sexy look from Ryou was all that it took for Bakura to sling him over his shoulder and carry him off to the nearest empty room.  
  
"Four, I know how to duel and I doubt that the Pharaoh and his pet can come up with another social activity to do."  
  
"That's not true Kaiba!" Yami protested, but Yugi on the other hand was agreeing with Seto.  
  
"Seto you're absolutely right," he said as he grabbed Yami's hand and started dragging him out of the room. "We'll just go find something else to keep us occupied!" With that he succeed to drag Yami out of the room and into the nearest room they could find that wasn't being used by Bakura and Ryou.  
  
"I guess that leaves me then," Malik brightly said causing Seto to roll his eyes.  
  
"No fair!" Marik pouted. "Everyone else gets to have sex except for me!"  
  
"You can come shopping with us," Malik suggested.  
  
"Fine," Marik sighed with a pout. The three of them and Mokuba exited the mansion where Seto's limo was waiting for them.  
  
"So where are we going?" an annoyed Seto asked. "It better not be the mall like where you took those other losers."  
  
"Nah we're now banned from the mall for life after what happened last time," Malik informed him. "We're going to the place where we use to shop back when we were trying to kill Yami."  
  
"You mean we still aren't trying to kill him?" Marik innocently asked.  
  
"Where's that?" Seto asked choosing to ignore Marik.  
  
"Tyrants R Us."  
  
Ten minutes later they were pulling up in front of Tyrants R Us. Once inside they found a large variety of dark clothes, robes and of course trench coats.  
  
Seto's eyes lit up as he started buying up every color and style of trench coats imaginable. Malik and Marik also picked out new outfits for themselves planning on sneaking them into Seto's pile when it was time for checkout. To say the least, Seto was not pleased when it came to checkout time and he had a couple of million dollars worth of clothes he had to buy.  
  
"Just pay Seto!" Mokuba begged getting ready to break out the puppy eyes. "Being a camera man isn't as fun as I thought it would be!"  
  
"Fine!" Seto sighed. It wasn't like a million dollars met much to him anyways. After paying the foursome was able to head back to the Kaiba mansion. As they past the wrecked van they all thought about reporting the accident but since they knew that no one was possibly hurt in the accident they wouldn't bother.  
  
Arriving back at the mansion they were met by the others on the front porch. "What did you do?" Seto asked with alarm when he saw them all standing there with stupid grins on their faces.  
  
"We redecorated for you!" Yugi cried with a grin.  
  
"What?!" Seto cried as he shoved past them and marched into his mansion. Instead of all his Blue Eyes designs everywhere, they were replaced by puppies.  
  
"We know how you really like puppies," Ryou explained, not noticing that a blood vessel on Seto's face was about to break. "Since you always call Jounouchi a puppy. But while we were here while you were out we saw you had no puppies anywhere so Bakura and I decided to help out."  
  
"But wait! There's more!" Yugi happily cried as he rushed out of the room and returned with a wiggling Scottie puppy in his arms. "This is Demon Spawn! Her owners were begging to get rid of her!"  
  
Yugi placed the puppy on floor which was a big mistake as soon as the puppy hit the floor, the puppy started trying to jump up on everyone and began nipping at everyone who was dumb enough to get their fingers too close to her mouth.  
  
"Get. This. Thing. Out. Of. Here!" Seto growled as the puppy tried jumping up his leg.  
  
"Guys I think we should go so that Seto and the puppy can get to know each other," Mokuba quickly said seeing the look on his brother's face.  
  
"I swiped the keys to his Blue Eyes Jet!" Bakura triumphantly cried. "Who wants to go for a ride?!"  
  
"Me!" Everyone yelled as they rushed out the door.  
  
"You idiots!" Seto yelled after them. "Only two people can ride in that at once! And get this puppy out of here!"  
  
The roar of the jet engines told Seto however that it was too late. Seto quickly glanced out of the window to see his precious jet fly into the air with Bakura, Ryou and Mokuba crammed into the cockpit with the rest hanging on to the top of it.  
  
"I wonder what it's like to do it on top of a jet in flight," Seto thought he could hear Marik yell to Malik. He hoped that if they tried they would fall off to their death. 


	5. Victim 4: Pegasus

"Hey Bakura?" Mokuba asked as Bakura did a barrel roll with the Blue Eyes Jet trying to knock off the extra passengers on top.

"What do you want scrimp?" Bakura asked receiving a whack on the back of the head by Ryou.

"You might as well head straight to America since Seto will kill us if we land anywhere in Japan," Mokuba advised him.  "Besides your next victim lives there."

"Who?" Ryou asked.

"Pegasus J. Crawford."

"Umm . . . are you sure we have to do him?" Bakura nervously asked growing suspicion from Ryou. 

"Bakura what did you do?" Ryou demanded.

"Hehe, remember Duelist Kingdom?" Bakura innocently asked.  

"How could we not?" Mokuba replied.  "I'm considering this payback for stealing mine and Seto's soul."

"Well . . . remember how Pegasus' Millennium Eye disappeared after the tournament . . ."

"Bakura you didn't!" Ryou cried.

"Yeah I did and I don't think old Peggy would have forgotten by now.  I did leave him in a bloody mess after-all."

"Well I'll make sure to get him drunk enough so that he doesn't remember", Ryou replied.

"Make it happen and I'll make sure to use those fluffy pink handcuffs you like so much next time."

"What are you two talking about?" Mokuba asked while Ryou brightly blushed.

"Nothing!" Ryou quickly replied.

::hours later::

"We're here," Bakura announced as he landed the jet in the middle of the street in front of the Industrial Illusions Company in San Francisco.  Bakura, Ryou and Mokuba jumped down from the cockpit while the others slid off of the top of the plane.

"Why didn't you wore us we were taking such a long trip!" Malik angrily complained.  "Where are we anyway?"

"San Francisco," Ryou calmly replied.

"San Fran-cis-co?" Marik asked with a confused look on his face.

"It's a place in America," Malik replied while rolling his eyes.

"A-mer-ic-a?"

"Why are we here?" Yugi asked ignoring Marik.

"Pegasus is your next victim," Mokuba explained.  "And since Bob couldn't make it, I'll be cameraman again."

"Lets go find him then!" Malik cheerfully cried as he dragged his still confused yami into the building.  "Hurry up!" he called back to the others, who were following at a much slower pace.  Eventually Malik got them all to the elevator and soon they were riding up to Pegasus' office.

"I see elevator music sucks here too," Bakura muttered to his fellow yamis, who agreed with him.  Finally they managed to reach Pegasus office and barged in.

"What's going on?" Pegasus demanded giving a little yelp when he saw Bakura grinning madly.

"Relax," Yugi reassured the millionaire game creator as Mokuba turned on his handheld camera.  "We're here for because of our show Queer Yamis and Hikaris for the Straight Guy!  And you're the lucky person that gets to be made over for this show!"

"Why do I not like the sound of this?" Pegasus wondered out loud.

"Hey it's the hottest rage back in Domino," Malik told him as he grabbed Pegasus' wrist and pulled him to his feet.  "Now come on we have to get a long start on those clothes you wear!"

Malik dragged Pegasus out of his office and down to the street with Marik closely following him.  Since the van wasn't available, as it was still crashed against the hydro pole outside Seto's mansion with Bob trapped inside and Granny trapped underneath, they just decided to take the Blue Eyes Jet figuring that Seto wouldn't mind.  

"So where exactly are we going?" Pegasus nervously asked.  He didn't know who the twin blondes were but he had a feeling they were bad for him.

"We're headed to the San Francisco branch of Tyrants R Us," Malik explained as Marik nearly crashed the jet into a building.  "Marik and I are their best customers so they give us a directory of every store in the world just incase we're on vacation somewhere and need to shop."

A few short minutes later Marik was landing/crashing the jet in the parking lot of Tyrants R Us.  "Hey you can't park that thing out there!" the manager of the store complained as they strolled inside.  Marik turned and gave the man a glare causing all the female employees to swoon. "Mr. Ishtar!  I'm so sorry I didn't recognize you!  Anything you want is on the house!"

"Good," Marik grumbled before turning away and started looking around the store, passing the shrine devoted to the pair in the middle of the store in the process.

"Now I know you had a noble cause for what you did at Duelist Kingdom but that gives you no right not to dress cool," Malik said as he tossed various tight black clothes, capes, trench coats and other items into Pegasus arms.  "Remember your twenty-four, not fifty-four.  You're young so dress like it while you still can."

"Uhh . . .okay, I guess I can do that," Pegasus replied as the pile of clothes got bigger.

"Also wear a lot of black.  Black looks good on everyone.  If you want to wear one of those god-awful suits you like make sure it's black," Malik continued as he dragged Pegasus to the cash, where they were met by Marik with his own pile of clothes.  "And just how to you expect to pay for all that?"

"The guy said everything in here for us was free," Marik replied with a shrug.  

"See you guys later!" Malik cried as he started rushing through the store grabbing clothes at random.  Marik meanwhile had the store ship all their purchases over to Industrial Illusions so that he could take Pegasus to fix his hair.  After another quick trip in the jet they were at a random hair solon that Marik had taken over for the show.

"Okay here's the problem," Marik said as Pegasus sat down in one of the chairs.  "Your hair is long enough but the style is all wrong.  It makes you look like an old man."

"Yes, Malik already told me that about my clothes."

"The color is also all wrong.  Silver/white hair works for Ryou and Bakura but it's all wrong for you!  That's why I'm going to dye it lavender."

"Uhh . . .lavender?"

"Yeah, that color looks great on Malik," Marik replied with a dreamy look in his eyes before glaring at Pegasus.  "Why is something wrong with that color!?!" he threaten.

"None what so ever!" Pegasus quickly replied as Marik set about his work.  Unfortunately for Pegasus Marik wasn't the greatest at what he did and Pegasus ended up with hot pink hair that was sticking up all over the place. 

"It looks good!" Marik beamed.  Pegasus had little time to protest before Marik was dragging him out of the solon and back to the jet where they flew back to Industrial Illusions where Yugi and Yami were waiting for them outside the building.

"Aren't you missing a hikari?" Yami asked Marik as he hopped out of the jet.

"He's shopping," Marik replied with a shrug.  "He'll be back in a few hours."

"Bye the way genius you left Mokuba and the camera here," Yami said pointing at Mokuba who was currently climbing into the jet to make sure that he didn't get left behind again.  "Remember this is a TV show and it would be nice to have some actual footage to show during it."

"Bite me Pharaoh," Marik grumbled as he strolled inside the building to wait for Malik's return.

Without another world, Yami and Yugi joined Pegasus in the jet and they flew off again.  "Yugi-boy, where exactly are we going?" Pegasus asked as he tried keeping his lunch as Yami flew the jet through the sky.  Yami was apparently a worst driver then Marik and Bakura.

"No where, Yami just wanted to go for a joy ride," Yugi replied.  "We do have some tips for you however to help you out."

"Yeah quit adding the word boy to everyone name!" Yami complained. "I'm 3016 years old, I'm no where near a 'boy'."

"That is kind of annoying," Yugi agreed.

"All right fine," Pegasus replied with a sigh just wanting to get the flight over with.

"You also have to change the way you duel," Yami continued.  "Duel Disk are the in thing.  If someone my age can get use to using them surely you can too!"

"Fine! Whatever you say Yami-bo . . . Yami."

"Good, I think we can head back now Yami," Yugi said but his yami was ignoring him.  Yami was having too much fun with the jet.  After a few hours, Yugi finally convinced Yami to head back to Industrial Illusions. 

"Bombs away!" Someone cried above them and they looked up just in time to see someone drop on of Pegasus' Funny Bunnies out of the window.  

"Funny Bunny!" Pegasus cried in horror as the bunny went splat on the ground.  The trio had only moments to move out of the way before another bunny came falling down.

Hurrying inside, the group discovered that Tyrants R Us had shipped the clothes and Malik over to the building.  That however was the last thing on Pegasus mind as he rushed up to his office.  What he discovered was Ryou, Bakura, Malik and Marik drunk off their asses dropping Pegasus' Funny Bunny collection out of the window.

"What happened?!" Pegasus cried.

"Apparently they found your hidden supply of wine," Yami replied noticing the empty wine bottles scattered around the room.

"That was my . . . special medication . . . yeah . . ."

"Well that apparently is no longer your special medication," Yami told him with a smirk.  

"Bombs away!" Bakura cried as he dropped another Funny Bunny out the window as the other giggled madly.

"Those things cost a lot of money!" Pegasus protested as Marik dropped another one.

"Pegasus, you're twenty-four years don't you think it's time you gave up the cartoons?" Yugi innocently asked.

"Shut up Yugi-boy!"

"Pegasus what did we tell you about adding the word boy to everyone's name?" Yami asked him.

"But Funny Bunny!" Pegasus protested as if that explained everything.

"Have a drink and forget about it," Yugi told him as he picked up a bottle and took a swing from it.

"Yugi!" Yami cried.

"Umm . . . guys I don't think this is good for the show," Mokuba reluctantly told them.  Besides it was hard for him to join in with them if he had to hang onto the camera.  Realizing Mokuba's trouble, Malik came to his rescue.  

"Give it here kid, I'll film for you," Malik demanded while handing Mokuba a glass of wine.  Mokuba eagerly handed over the video camera to Malik, the intelligent part of his brain telling him not to.

"This is the worst show ever!" Pegasus complained.

"You just say that because you're not drinking!" Ryou replied with a giggle.  "By the way did you like what we did to your office?  After we saw your great new hair we had the entire place decorated in the same color!"

"Who cares, I'm rich enough to put it back to normal."

"You better not if you don't want to lose your other eye!" Bakura drunkenly threatened him, causing Pegasus to slowly back away from Bakura.  By this time Mokuba and Yugi both had a nice buzz going on as well.  Yami meanwhile still couldn't believe that his innocent hikari was drinking.

"I'm going home!" Pegasus wailed needing to get nice and drunk but not wanting to stay around the freaks any longer.

"Come Yami! Join the party!" Yugi cried and Yami shrugged his shoulders.

"Why not? But I doubt if Seto will be happy when he sees this episode and finds out that Mokuba is hammered."

"Pfft, we're supposed to do a wrap up show where we drink anyway," Marik replied with a wave of his hand as he dropped yet another Funny Bunny out of the window.

"Yeah and he'll never find out!" Mokuba declared.  "It's not like this is being filmed or nothing."

*~*~*

::3 weeks later::

_"He'll never find out! It's not like this is being filmed or nothing,"_ the Mokuba on the TV screen said.

"MOKUBA!!!!" Seto Kaiba yelled after watching the latest episode of Queer Yamis and Hikaris for the Straight Guy.  Seto would never admit it but he was addicted to the show except for his own episode of course that was an embarrassment he never wanted to live through again.  And he still hadn't gotten rid of the mutt that the idiots bought for him.  Fortunately since Seto owned KCTV he had made sure that episode never aired.

"What's wrong Seto?" Mokuba asked wandering into the room.  "Demon Spawn pee on your expensive rug again?"

"Yes, but tell me why a 12 year old was drinking wine in America at Industrial Illusions when he was suppose to be here in Domino, sober and at Kaiba Corp?"  
  


"Uhh. . . .I'm grounded aren't I?"

"Oh yeah.  And those others have just made my Enemies List."

"Weren't they already on?"

"Good point."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A/N- Thank you for the reviews everyone!

Destiny – I was actually saving Mai for season 2 of the show, which I'm saving until after all the Doom stuff airs, but I might do her before then.  As for all the sex I blame my friends, lol. They warped my mind a long time ago!


	6. Victim 5: Rishid

It was just a normal day at the office. The yamis and their hikaris were lounging around on the set of their show at the studio waiting to receive the file folder for their next assignment. Fortunately upon their return to Japan they discovered their ever so loyal cameraman was out of the hospital and able to go back to work.  
  
"Hi guys!" Mokuba cried bounding into the room causing all the yamis (and Malik) to groan since they had all been moments away from making a move on their loved one. "Here's the next victim," he cried tossing the file folder into Malik's lap before disappearing again.  
  
"Oooo, let's see!" Malik happily cried opening the folder. "Hey!" he protested when he read what was inside. Marik lazily looked over his lover's shoulder at the information before throwing a smirk in the direction of Bakura.  
  
"Isis is so going to kill you if mess up the place with your redecorating," he told the white-haired yami with a laugh.  
  
"Who is it?" Yami demanded.  
  
"Rishid," Malik replied with a pout. "What fun is there in making my own brother our victim?"  
  
"Better him then Isis," Ryou pointed out. The others naturally agreed with Ryou so they packed up their things and Bob the cameraman and headed up to the top of the building where the Blue Eyes White Jet was waiting for them. Since the can was sill wrecked and Seto had refused to accept the jet back since it was now 'soiled', the gang was using it for the time being to travel around in. 2.4 seconds later they were landing in the street in front of the Ishtar home.  
  
"MALIK!" came yelling from the house and Malik knew he was already in trouble.  
  
"WE DIDN'T PARK ON THE LAWN!" he yelled back.  
  
"THANK YOU!"  
  
"Is there always yelling around here?" Yugi asked uncovering his ears.  
  
"Pretty much," Marik replied with a shrug as they all headed inside.  
  
"Aren't you guys supposed to be at work?" Isis asked as soon as they entered the room.  
  
"We are," Malik replied. "Where's Rishid?"  
  
"Oh good! Mokuba finally answered my request!" Isis happily cried clapping her hands together.  
  
"You did this?" Malik asked and Isis nodded her head. "Why? He's our brother!"  
  
"Come on Malik you've seen the way he looks and dresses. He spends all his free time being your servant when he could be out meeting people."  
  
"There's nothing wrong with that!"  
  
"Give it a rest," Bakura growled. "Some of us want to start our job today."  
  
"Fine," Malik grumbled with a small pout. "RISHID!"  
  
"Yes Master Malik?" Rishid asked entering the room. This resulted in Isis smacking her brother on the back of his head since she told him months ago to break Rishid of the master stuff.  
  
"Come on we're going shopping with Marik and Bob," Malik replied strolling back through the front door. Soon enough the four of them were crammed into the cockpit of the Blue Eyes Jet with a still pouting Malik stilling on Marik's lap who was flying and actually trying to do a good job for a change. Fortunately however it wasn't long before Marik was sitting the jet down in a handy-cap parking space at Domino Mall.  
  
"So where too first master?" Rishid asked.  
  
"I don't care," Malik replied with a pout.  
  
"Take the jet and take Bob to Tyrants R Us," Marik said with a sigh handing Rishid the keys to the jet. "Buy whatever you want and charge it to our account. Meet us back here in an hour."  
  
Rishid hurried away to fulfill Marik wishes. Ever since that little incident at Battle City where Marik tried to kill Rishid, Rishid always was afraid of Marik for some reason.  
  
When Rishid and Bob had disappeared, Marik turned his attention to his hikari. "What's wrong with you?" he asked.  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"Malik!"  
  
"I don't want to change my brother," Malik admitted burying his face into Marik's chest. "Sure he's a bad dresser who has zero sense of fashion, bad hair and his only known existence in life is to serve me but that's the way I like him!"  
  
"But anything we change can be changed back," Marik pointed out as he petted Malik's silky blonde hair. "It's not like none of us are out to kill him . . . again."  
  
"Really?" Malik asked with a small sniffle.  
  
"Yes, I promise not to hack off his head while I'm cutting off that thing he calls his hair."  
  
"Yay! Thank you!" Malik happily cried before giving Marik a kiss. The pair made out for awhile before they remembered what happened last time they were at the mall together and reluctantly broke apart.  
  
With Malik's issue now resolved, Marik called Tyrants R Us on his cell phone who immediately sent over the company limo for the two of them where they joined up with Rishid and Bob. Much to Malik's delight all Rishid bought was a new black robe. The group then once again piled into the cockpit of the Blue Eyes Jet so that they could head to the salon for Rishid's hair cut.  
  
Needless to say Rishid was a tad nervous after they got there when he saw Marik approach him with hedge clippers. All was good though as only slight blood was spilled and soon the foursome was off once again back to the Ishtar home.  
  
"MALIK GET THESE FREAKS OUT OF HERE!" Isis yelled as soon as Malik and Marik entered the house. Yami and Yugi hurried out to join Rishid and Bob in the jet before anymore yelling could be done.  
  
"YOU BROUGHT THIS ON YOURSELF!" Malik yelled back before retreating with Marik to their room.  
  
"RYOU FOR THE LAST TIME GET OUT OF THE KITCHEN! RISHID ALREADY KNOWS HOW TO COOK! WHO DO YOU THINK DOES ALL THE COOKING AROUND HERE?!"  
  
*~*~*  
  
"So what do you want to do?" Yami asked Rishid as soon as Yugi started the jet and flew off. "You already know how to duel. What do you like doing for fun besides that?"  
  
"Serving Master Malik," Rishid automatically replied causing Yugi and Yami to exchange looks.  
  
"I think this calls for a trip to the arcade," Yugi declared, doing a loop with the jet so they could go in the right direction to the arcade. 3.6 seconds later they were there, entering the loud, noisy, multiple flashing light arcade.  
  
"Look it's Yami!" squealed a group of fangirls as soon as Yami, Yugi, Rishid and Bob entered the arcade.  
  
"Back off girls! He's mine!" Yugi dangerously growled at the group of fan girls with a growl that could challenge Bakura's growl. Yugi grabbed a conveniently placed metal chair and began chasing the girls around the arcade with it.  
  
"No again!" Yami complained as he chased after Yugi. "Aibou! Stop it!" Yami however was soon distracted by a random video game tournament that someone had started and not one to ever pass up a challenge Yami quickly joined in forgetting the fact that his Aibou was chasing a bunch of strange girls around the arcade with a chair and that the reason he was there was because of Rishid.  
  
Rishid however found the entire thing boring and soon headed back home with Bob in the jet. When they got there however, everything was strangely quiet. Walking inside they found Isis curled up on the coach watching the Young and the Restless, the other were nowhere in sight.  
  
Knowing it was best not to not disturb Isis when her soaps were on, Rishid headed up the stairs where he heard the pleasuring cries coming from Malik and Marik's room, which unfortunately for Rishid was right next to his own room. Needless-to-say Rishid never got a lot of sleep at night from the noises coming from the other room. Isis at times didn't either but she was smart enough to always fall asleep with her Walkman's volume on max, which might have been the reason why she had a tendency to yell all the time. Of course all the yelling could be because she lived with Marik and Malik who could drive the sanest person crazy and not because she was going deaf.  
  
Rishid opened the door to his own room and to his surprise he found Bakura and Ryou in there. But to his even greater surprise instead of making out or anything . . . more. . . they were huddled on the bed together in fear.  
  
"Something wrong?" Rishid asked them.  
  
"Well between the freaks in the next room and Isis we're both ready to get back to the safety of our own home," Bakura declared as he threw a book at the wall that was connected to Marik and Malik's room. "KEEP IT DOWN IN THERE!" His efforts however were useless.  
  
"How do you put up with it?" Ryou asked with a small sob.  
  
"Umm . . . I guess it doesn't seem so bad if you're family," Rishid replied.  
  
"We're lucky we're not family then," Bakura grumbled as he stood up and helped Ryou to his feet. "Later Rishid, we're out of here now that the jet is back."  
  
"If you ever need a place to hide out for a while give us a call," Ryou added before following his yami out the door.  
  
"Hey!" Rishid protested after them. "You left my room half finished!"  
  
"Like I care!" Bakura called back.  
  
"ALL OF YOU SHUT UP WHEN I'M WATCHING MY SHOWS!" Isis yelled causing Bakura and Ryou to make a mad dash to the front door. Unfortunately for Bob he got in their way while they were trying to run down the stairs and ended up being trampled on as he fell down the stairs landed with a loud thud at the bottom. Fortunately for Bakura and Ryou, Bakura easily jumped over the fallen body and helped lift Ryou over. The pair were then home free to escape the madhouse but alas poor Bob was still trapped inside.  
  
Declaring Bob a casualty of war, the pair flew the jet back to KCTV and made their way back down to the Queer Yamis and Hikaris for the Straight Guy set.  
  
"Well that was . . . interesting," Ryou declared after Bakura switched on the camera that was conveniently located in front of them. "All Rishid got was one black robe, his pony tail cut off and a half finished room."  
  
"The plus side of everything is that now a lot of people know never to go near the Ishtar household ever!" Bakura added as Ryou nodded his head in agreement before looking around in confusion.  
  
"What happened to Yugi and Yami?"  
  
*~*~*  
  
"Yami can we please go home now?"  
  
"Ten more minutes Aibou!"  
  
Yugi sighed as he continued to watch Yami play games. The girls he had been chasing had escape long ago but not before he had been able to whack one over the head with the chair. Since then Yugi had been sitting on said chair watching the former Pharaoh play games.  
  
"You said that an hour ago!" Yugi complained and Yami chose wisely to ignore Yugi. "If we go home we can play games of our own. . ." Yugi then watched in amusement as Yami's character quickly died.  
  
"Let's go!" Yami cried grabbing Yugi and running out of the arcade. They reached the Kame Game shop faster then the Blue Eyes Jet ever could. 


	7. Victim 6: Otogi

"Okay guys ready to go?" Yugi asked as he did a head count of people in the van. Seto apparently had done everyone in Domino a favor and had taken away the Blue Eyes Jet from them. "Hey, where's Bob?"  
  
"I'll get him," Marik offered as he exited the van and headed to the nearest washroom. Inside he heard Bob sobbing from behind a stall. "Come on already!" Marik cried kicking open the stall, picking up Bob and slinging him over his shoulder carrying him back towards the van.  
  
"No! No! I don't want to go! I quit!" the cameraman yelled.  
  
"You can't quit it's in your contract," Bakura replied with a smirk as Bob was placed on the seat next to him while Marik took the seat on the other side so that Bob was stuck sitting in between the two yamis.  
  
"So who do we get today?" Malik eagerly asked.  
  
"Otogi," Yugi replied and everyone gave him a confused look. "Don't any of you know my friends!" he cried.  
  
"No," Yami replied while the others shock their heads.  
  
"Dice boy?" Yugi tried again.  
  
"Ohhhhhh!" they all replied. A few minutes later they were outside of Otogi's game shop.  
  
"Hey clown! Where's Dice Boy!" Bakura called to the clown that worked outside the store.  
  
"Guys be nice that's Otogi's father," Yugi whispered to them.  
  
The clown directed them down to Otogi's Dungeon Dice Monster gaming room where Otogi was in the process of beating some chump at the game.  
  
"Oh no," Otogi groaned when he saw them. "What are you guys doing here? I'm not straight!"  
  
"On this show it doesn't matter!" Malik replied as he beamed for the camera. Unfortunately for Bob, Marik had a death grip on the back of his neck.  
  
"Lets get this over with," Otogi sighed as he reluctantly followed Malik, Marik and Bob outside to the van. Needless to say it didn't take long to get to Domino mall with Marik driving.  
  
"Okay here's your problem," Malik began as he dragged Otogi into a random store. "That vest you're always wearing . . . sucks. And what is up with that dice earring?! It hangs down to your shoulder! Fortunately you are not hopeless like the others. At least you know that you look good in black, but you really need to wear tighter clothing and ditch the t-shirt."  
  
"Umm . . . okay," Otogi said using the normal reply that people had while Malik was making them over.  
  
"Now come on start stripping," Malik demanded.  
  
"What? Right here in the middle of the store?!"  
  
"Don't be shy!" Malik giggled as he helped Otogi take off his vest ripping off his t-shirt in the process. Malik also violently ripped the dice earring off.  
  
"Owww!" Otogi cried in pain.  
  
"No pain, no gain," Malik replied with a smile while handing him a skintight black shirt, which Otogi quickly put on.  
  
"This does look nice," Otogi admitted admiring himself in the mirror.  
  
"Hang on! Something still wrong!" Malik cried and before Otogi could ask what, Malik ripped his read headband off. "Don't ever wear headbands!"  
  
"Okay, okay!" Otogi quickly replied.  
  
"Now for a little more advice before I turn you over to Marik," Malik said. "Stick to dark colors. Like black, navy, red, dark green, etc. Green will look really good on you because of your eyes. Make sure they are solid colors though!"  
  
"I got it," Otogi reassured the crazy blonde fashion expert. Unfortunately for Otogi that now met he had to put up with Marik and his hair treatment. Double unfortunately for him, Marik didn't feel like renting a salon and was merely holding a pair of scissors.  
  
"Pony tails are bad," Marik said before snipping Otogi's ponytail off. "Much better."  
  
"Well that wasn't too bad," Otogi admitted. "Everyone always looks like they're having a crappy time when they're on the show."  
  
"The day's not over yet!" Malik cheerfully remind him as they head back to Otogi's game shop, where they were met by Ryou and Bakura.  
  
"What are you too doing here?" Marik asked them while tossing Bakura the keys to the van.  
  
"Yugi and Yami wanted to switch for some reason," Ryou informed them. "So we're covering for them for this week."  
  
"Fine, I don't care," Marik replied with a shrug before pulling a little remote control out of his pocket.  
  
"What's that?" Bakura asked as Marik pressed a button on the remote.  
  
"You'll see," he mysteriously grinned, a few seconds later the Blue Eyes Jet landed on the street in front of them. "Remote control for the jet," he explained. "I had it installed when we were borrowing it from Kaiba."  
  
"Yeah we're going to head back to the studio for some quality time," Malik told them. "Don't do anything that we wouldn't do!" With that the psycho blondes climbed into the Blue Eyes Jet and took off into the air.  
  
"Now what?" Otogi asked as soon as the Blue Eyes Jet had disappeared from their slight as he looked nervously at Bakura who looked like he was ready to eat Otogi.  
  
"Well we aren't exactly sure," Ryou admitted. "We've never done this part before. Bob?"  
  
"Usually the shrimps drive or fly around complaining what is wrong about the person's life," Bob replied.  
  
"We can do that!" Ryou happily cried as he rushed towards the van with the others closely following him, soon enough Bakura was driving around the city hitting everything in sight while Bob and Otogi hung on for their lives in the back.  
  
"Dice Boy you need to give up that stupid dice game and duel more," Bakura said as he sped around the corner hitting some garbage cans in the process.  
  
"Is that all?" Otogi asked clutching his stomach as they took another sharp turn.  
  
"I think so," Bakura replied. "Ryou?" he asked wondering if his hikari had anything to add. When Ryou didn't say anything Bakura snuck a quick look at him and Ryou staring at him with a look of pure lust on his face. Slamming on the breaks, Bob and Otogi were almost thrown into the front seat if it hadn't been for their seatbelts.  
  
"Need you now!" Ryou panted staring at his love. Bakura, not one to protest, grabbed Ryou and they rushed into the nearest house, which as luck would have it was their own.  
  
"Uhh . . .I don't think they'll be back anytime soon," Bob told Otogi who nodded his head. Undoing his seatbelt (and checking the large bruise he now had), Otogi crawled into the front seat and started driving off back to his shop/home. Once there, Otogi and Bob headed towards the kitchen hoping to find some bottled water when instead they found Yami sitting at the table filing his nails.  
  
"Aren't you supposed to be cooking something?" Otogi asked and Yami shot him a dirty look.  
  
"I'm a Pharaoh! I don't cook!" Yami reminded him. "Servants cook for me! If you want something to eat, cook it yourself servant!"  
  
"Forget it, I'm not hungry anyway!" Otogi cried, storming off to find Yugi with Bob hot on his heels. It didn't take them long to find Yugi who was laughing evilly and placing bombs (which he borrowed from Bakura) everywhere.  
  
"YUGI! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" Ryou cried and Yugi began laughing louder.  
  
"Eliminating the completion for Grandpa!" Yugi crackled. "This was my plan all along! Finally we'll be the only game shop on the street again!"  
  
"Yami!" Otogi cried in desperation and Yami came strolling into the room.  
  
"Servants do not call for their masters, masters called for their servants," he calmly replied. "And is Aibou done yet? We're on a tight schedule."  
  
"But this is my home!" Otogi protested. "You can't blow it up!"  
  
"Wantta bet," Yugi replied as he set the timer for one minute. He and Yami then dashed off back to the safety of the Kame Game Shop, leaving Otogi to deal with the bombs.  
  
"Bob you have to help me!" Otogi cried but when he got not reply, he turned around to find that Bob had disappeared. Faintly from outside Otogi could make out the sound of the tires of the van squealing as it sped off. With no other option left, Otogi raced outside and watched helplessly as the explosives went off crumbling his home an his shop.  
  
*~*~*  
  
Back at the van, Bob mentally patted himself on the back for making it through a shoot without being serious injured. Arriving back at the studio, Bob dropped the film off in editing before returning the camera to the equipment room. As he opened the door to the equipment room however he was met with the sight of two very familiar naked blondes inside the room with the smaller of the two blondes being pressed up against thousands of dollars worth of equipment by the other one.  
  
With a terrorizing cry, Bob dropped the expensive camera in his hands, it crashing to the floor now useless, before running for his life as the blondes stared after him with amusement.  
  
"That camera is coming out of your salary!" Marik called after Bob with a smirk on his face before closing the door and turning his attention back to Malik. 


	8. Victim 7: Jounouchi

"We need a cool new theme-song for the show," Malik announced as Marik drove towards the home of their latest victim. The others were not too enthusiastic about the entire thing and poor Bob was hanging onto his seatbelt with his life as Marik zipped around another corner.  
  
"_Warriors_ by Yuichi Ikusawa?" Marik suggested, who was the only one who seemed interested in the conversation but that was only because it was Malik.  
  
"I think some other show has used that before," Malik replied with a sigh.  
  
"_Overlap_ by Kimeru?" Marik asked trying again.  
  
"Same show, different arc," Malik replied.  
  
"Bastards," Marik grumbled.  
  
"Hey we're here!" Ryou cried breaking into their conversation and pointing to a run down apartment building.  
  
"Who would live in a dump like that?" Yami asked.  
  
"That's where Jou lives!" Yugi cried and Yami gave him a confused look causing Yugi to smack his forehead. "You know! Jounouchi! My best friend!"  
  
"Oh him! The average dueler!" Yami replied causing Yugi to cry.  
  
"How could you say that about my best friend?!"  
  
"You know even I don't make my hikari cry," Bakura said to Yami while the former Pharaoh tried to comfort Yugi.  
  
"I didn't mean it!" Yami quickly said. "That guy . . . umm . . ."  
  
"Jou," Ryou helpfully told him  
  
"Jou! Is a great duelist!"  
  
"You really think so?" Yugi asked with a sniff.  
  
"Of course!" Yami replied in a voice that said he was lying. Only Yugi didn't seem to notice as he tightly hugged his yami.  
  
"Let's go guys!" Malik cried as he hopped out of the van and ran inside the apartment building, with the others following slowly like always. Malik stopped before a door and rapidly knocked which was soon answered by none other then Jounouchi wearing a horrid white jacket.  
  
"Agggghh!" screamed Malik as if he was in pain. He ripped the jacket off of Jou and quickly lit it on fire. "Never wear something like that again!" he yelled.  
  
"Does this mean I get a make over or are you guys just stalking me?" Jou asked and Malik glared at him before he grabbed Jou by the front of his t- shirt and dragged him down to the van with Marik and Bob and tow while the others started doing their magic to Jou's apartment. The four of them quickly drove to the trusty Domino Mall to go shopping.  
  
"First thing, never wear that green Duelist Kingdom jacket again," Malik demanded while they began shopping at a random store. "In fact I'm burning that one as well as soon as we get back."  
  
"So what should I wear then Mr. Fashion Expert?"  
  
"Blue!" Malik replied. "That blue jacket you have is great. You should wear it more often."  
  
"You mean the blue jacket that your Rare Hunters destroyed when they beat me up trying to get my Red Eyes?" Jou asked causing Malik to nervously laugh.  
  
"Hehe, I ordered them to get that card, not to destroy your jacket," Malik innocently replied.  
  
"That was an expensive jacket!" Jou yelled at Malik causing Marik to step in between them.  
  
"Mess with Malik, mess with me," he growled and Jou wisely backed down.  
  
"Moving on," Malik said getting back to the task at hand. "Blue is best for you, but also black, dark green and red would be good. Remember to wear dark, solid colors. No strips, no patterns."  
  
"I got it!" Jou complained while Malik threw a bunch of clothes at him. "Who's paying for this anyway?" he asked and Malik gave him a devilish look.  
  
"This is a cheap show," Malik gleefully told him.  
  
"What?! I can't afford all of this!"  
  
"Guess you better learn how to be a better duelist soon," Marik said with a laugh.  
  
"Why you!" Jou growled at him while Malik directed their victim towards the checkout. Unfortunately for Jou, after the amount that Malik spent, he would have to win a lot of tournaments to pay off his new clothing bill.  
  
"Now what?" Jou asked looking at Marik.  
  
"Beats me," Marik replied while shrugging his shoulders. "I'm took the day off."  
  
"Why are you here then?" Jou asked in annoyance.  
  
"To make sure no one tries flirting with my hikari," Marik replied with a smirk while slapping Malik's ass.  
  
"You mean we can go home?" Jou hopefully asked and both of the blondes nodded their heads. Jou gathered up his new clothes, since Malik and Marik wouldn't dare carrying anything and they headed back to the van where they quickly drove back to Jou's apartment. Outside of the building, Yugi and Yami were waiting for them.  
  
"Yay! Now I can burn the rest of the puppy's clothing!" Malik happily cried as he ran inside the building with Marik close behind him, eagerly wanting to help. Meanwhile Yugi and Yami climbed into the front of the van with Jou and Bob still in the back.  
  
"Cool! I get dueling tips from the King of Games!" Jou happily cried.  
  
"That's nothing new!" Yugi laughed. "We always give you tips!"  
  
"Yeah you lazy ass," Yami muttered under his breath.  
  
"What are we going to do then?" Jou asked his two best friends right before Yami stopped the van in front of a pet store.  
  
"A puppy for the puppy!" Yugi happily cried as he bounded out of the van and bounced into the store.  
  
"What?!" Jou cried in protest as he reluctantly followed his friend into the store. "Not you too Yugi!"  
  
"Yami thought it would be a good idea," Yugi replied as he started looking at all the puppies.  
  
"Yami!" Jou cried looking at the former Pharaoh who was wearing a smirk on his face. "Why you-"  
  
"Jou stop it!" Yugi begged while looking at Jou with his puppy eyes of death, doom and destruction. Immediately Jou calmed down upon looking at his friend.  
  
"Okay Yug, just for you, I'll behave."  
  
"Good boy," Yugi replied with a smile before picking up a brown puppy. "Get this one Jou!"  
  
"No that one!" Yami cried pointing to another animal.  
  
"Uh . . .Yami?" Yugi replied giving his Yami a weird look. "That's a cat."  
  
"Oops!" Yami replied as he took a closer look at the black and white kitten.  
  
"I think I'll get this one," Jou replied holding up a Golden Retriever puppy.  
  
"It suits you," Yami replied with a laugh.  
  
"Do I have to pay for this little guy as well?" Jou asked and this time Yugi started laughing.  
  
"Of course not!" the short tri-haired boy laughed. "That would be stupid making you pay on our show!"  
  
"That's a relief!" Jou replied with a happy sigh.  
  
"Yami will pay!" Yugi added and Yami shot his hikari a horrified look.  
  
"What?!" Yami cried and Yugi brought out the puppy dog eyes once again. "Oh fine!" Yami cried in defeat as he pulled out a credit card that said _Seto Kaiba_ on it. After paying for the puppy and for some supplies, the gang gathered back in the van and drove back to the apartment. Walking inside they found a bon-fire set up in the middle of the living room with Malik and Marik gathered around it burning all of Jou's old clothing.  
  
"Burn, baby burn!" Malik cried with laugher as he tossed the t-shirt wore at Battle City into the fire.  
  
"My clothes!" Jou sobbed. To make matters worse for Jou the puppy jumped from his arms and immediately ran over to the pile of new clothes they had bought that afternoon and peed all over it. "My other clothes!"  
  
"Good dog," Marik said looking over at the puppy as it finished its business. Suddenly the front door opened again and in walked Bakura dragging a dead cow behind him. Bakura had gone to a nearby farmer's field, hit a cow over the head with a baseball bat, and then dragged it all the way back to the apartment.  
  
"Dinner's ready!" Bakura cried dropping the rope he had attached around the cow. The head of the cow then hit the floor and the cow gave off a loud moo. "Oops, I mean it will be ready in a few minutes," the thief said as he dug out his trusty baseball bat again.  
  
"Yum," the other two yamis said licking their lips. The other four people in the room looked on with disgust, including Malik who didn't like to eat meat. Bob looked downright sick as he continued for film everything.  
  
"Bakura! No!" Ryou cried walking out of Jou's bedroom and seeing the murder about to take place. "You promised me that when we traded you wouldn't any helpless defensive animal!"  
  
"It's not helpless! I had to chase it around for ten minutes before I caught it!" Bakura protested.  
  
"Bakura!" Ryou yelled and Bakura lowered the bat.  
  
"Fine," he replied with a small pout. Recovering from his stun, the cow stood up and began munching on the piles of clothes next to it.  
  
"Not my clothes again!" Jou cried.  
  
"Maybe we should move on?" Malik suggested, not wanting to be forced to go out shopping with the blonde puppy again.  
  
"Okay!" Ryou said beaming happily as he led Jou into the bedroom that he redid.  
  
"NOOOOOO!" Jou cried seeing pictures of Seto Kaiba everywhere.  
  
"I figured you were just in denial about your feelings for Seto," Ryou explained. "So I figured you'd love it if I put Seto's picture everywhere!"  
  
"I'm going to kill you!" Jou yelled finally snapping and he tried lunging at Ryou but was stopped by the cow who decided to nibble on the back of the shirt that Jou was wearing. With Jou distracted, Ryou was able to easily escape into the protective arms of his yami.  
  
"Let's get out of here," Marik suggested and the rest of them agreed with him. So they all left so that Jou could bond with his new puppy and new pet cow.  
  
"Well I think it's safe to say that we helped another loser in this city," Bakura said as they all rode in the van back to the KCTV studios. Where Mokuba was waiting for them.  
  
"Sorry guys but I have to send you out again right away," Mokuba told them. "I have the Blue Eyes Jet standing by. You have to go by to America since you're next victim is currently there partaking in a Duels Monster Tournament."  
  
"Why wasn't I invited?" Yami whined.  
  
"Because then everyone would know who would win," Yugi helpfully replied.  
  
"Anyway, Mai's there waiting for you, so hurry up!" Mokuba told them before running off back inside the studio.  
  
"You don't need me do you?" Bob nervously asked.  
  
"Yup!" Malik grinned, throwing an arm around Bob's shoulder and leading him towards the Blue Eyes Jet that was conveniently parked on the street for them.

* * *

A/N - That you all once again for all the reviews! Sorry I took so long to update! I really haven't been in a funny mood lately so I havn't felt like writing for this story. I promise, I'll get the last two parts of the story up much quicker.

The Yu-Gi-Oh Freak - I know, poor Otogi's hair! It's so hard doing chapters for guys I like. BTW, I actually just use the making out parts to fill up space because like I said it's hard coming up with funny stuff to do to guys I like. There's less of that stuff in "Season 2" since I'm using the Doom organization guys who I don't like and am more willing to torture.

cwthewolf - I'm definitetly doing season 2! I expect Doom to start in the fall so I should be able to start Season 2 then and I don't want to start doing it sooner since I don't know how many people who are reading the story have seen that arc.

Destiny - Mai is next!


End file.
